And then She came

26 Nov, 2021, No comments

After a very long, thick and painful darkness, when I had looked where usually no one wants to look. Where usually there seems to be nothing to look for. She was there - in me. In no other. And She was in All and Everything. She was Everything. And she was not to be separated from everything else. She didn't have to be explained. She didn't have to be known. She had to let Be. She had to let flow togehter with tears of despair and ecstatic laughter.

Nice to meet you, she said - my name is Love!
I am the grayest Purvītis and the most gorgeous Frida
I am the calmest lake and the roaring storm
I am the deepest gorge and the highest peak
I am the blackest darkness and the brightest light
I am both dissonance and harmony
I am the most ordinary everyday and I am the Festival

She spoke many languages - soft, quiet, harsh, wild, loving and stern, she knew Life and she knew Death. She gave and she took. I am a verb. I am a movement. Exit point and dance. Eyes to see the world with. A heart to feel pain and beauty with. I weave through All that is.

I am my own muse and artist

I am my own guru and follower

I am my own best teacher and student

I am my own museum, exhibit and exhibition curator

I am my own laboratory, lab rat and researcher

But to see and feel it, I needed God, Nature and Work.

Time and other people

Collage

29 Oct, 2021, No comments

My letters disappear into lines

My words disappear into forms

My sentences disappear in pictures

My thoughts disappear

I catch them and string on the bentgrass

Like wild strawberries and my longing

Some syllables appear here and there

In my face, voice and dance

And I release them in the wind

Sapper

8 Oct, 2021, No comments

Red zone
Minefield
The epicentre of a disaster
Spin as you wish
Everywhere explodes
Fear, despair, helplessness
It penetrates my bones and flesh
Guilt and SHAME
In the genitals and pelvis
In the abdomen and chest
With each movement
As a bulimia patient
I want to vomit
Stress in every cell
As the cancer spreads and takes over
To stay or to go?
Or to run?
Or to step on a mine so that everything finally ends
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale
Looking ahead
Looking underfoot
Sapper shovel pressed in my hand with white fingers
I Can
Relaxation
I Do
I will die in a battle
I will die as a hero
I will save that little girl
Who has not lost faith in
LOVE

Ed Harcourt | The World is on Fire

My Wound

18 Sep, 2021, No comments

My wound
Is breathing in one rhythm with me
In inhale and exhale
We meet
I am her and she is me
We are inseparable
As long as I breathe
And maybe even longer
I am learning to be gentle
With love
Bring it into the world
Where it is needed
Through the wound of the Ego
As through the Door
I entered
The Holy Room of
the Wound of my Soul
I was terrified of its size and depth
Deadly
It did not seem bearable to a human
But good thing I'm not just a Human
The God in me is calling me further
Into new, unknown waters
And I say yes
And I am going
Holy Wound
What will you reveal to me?
What gifts do you bring
In me and through me?
How can I carry you
In this world?

Corpo-Mente | Dorma

Choice

15 Sep, 2021, No comments

I remembered today
That I have a choice
Not to go in the swamp
But along the road
At least for a while
Dry the shoes
That I have a responsibility
Take care of myself

When did I figure it out that God would like
My ragdoll submission?
He wants an equal partner
To dance with

I get out of a Child’s
Cute slippers
And get in Women’s
High-heeled shoes
I just need to get used to it a bit

Eddie Vedder | Long Way

Furnaces

15 Sep, 2021, No comments

I am burning in hell
My personal hell
These furnaces still want more
Give me more, give me more
The fire takes it All
EVERYTHING
Burn baby burn
Burn out
Burn in

I no longer distinguish between the wounded one, the wound and the healing
I am the Wound

Ed Harcourt | Furnaces

Exam day: Koan

14 Sep, 2021, No comments

It is difficult and strange to take the exam without knowing the correct answer
Without even knowing in which subject and field the abilities will be assessed
When the solving process is more important than the outcome
When the soul confronts body and mind
When heart-consciousness becomes crucial
When I no longer distinguish between the solver, the case, and the solution
When there is nothing left ... and yet everything interflows
And now I'm waiting for the admission results not even knowing where and what I applied for...
Soul Academy?
I just must show up
To the fullest.

River of Love

12 Sep, 2021, No comments

The river of love is flowing rapidly
She still has many dams to cross
And no obstacle is too great for her

Broke, dug out the dam and overflowed
Now she can flow calmly, widely and deeply
Relax in her strength and greatness
For a moment

There is still a long way to the Ocean
But She is feeling it with every drop of her waters
And it makes her Heart to pulsate more and more strongly

She does not deny herself
She waters the thirsty and feed the hungry
She is the Artery of Life
Who rushes to her Beloved

James | Nothing but Love

Tired

31 Aug, 2021, No comments

I will be big again

But now, today

I want to be small

The Voice

17 Aug, 2021, No comments

It is my Voice and it is not my Voice
The Voice that sounds through my Voice
The Voice that speaks in my Voice
The Voice that echoes in me
I have this Voice
And I feel it as if no choice

In ripeness

15 Aug, 2021, No comments

When there is nothing left to hide
When you are naked in your truth
When you are full in your emptiness
When you are light in your heaviness
When you are big in your smallness
When you are wide in your depth
In your Autumn Ripeness

Slow Meadow | Palemote

Breath

14 Aug, 2021, No comments

I learn to dance with Your Breath

I close my eyes and feel it in my hair, on my forehead, neck and chest

It is so warm and soft

It doesn't ask for anything

Just to Be

And in Being a subtle movement is born

Which flows into me so deeply that I know neither the beginning nor the end

I become it and it becomes me

Am I even without Your Breath?

There is only a wave..an endless pulsation

One dance

I surrender to the waves

They keep getting bigger and stronger

They rinse, take and shape me

I learn to surrender

To empty myself

Let there be space only for Breath

Tame me

14 Aug, 2021, No comments

Untamed Nature
Tame me
Tame me to You and to Me
So that I can mirror and reflect You in the brightness of a thousand suns
in the glow of the moons
in the blackness of the nights
in the blessing of darkness
In Love

Patrick Watson | Lighthouse

The Wave

13 Aug, 2021, No comments

I give myself to the wave to learn it’s ways of Being
it’s force, it’s gentleness, it’s growing and release.. it’s pulsation
Pulsation in my body
It moves me
It moves through me
It becomes me
I become it
No beginning, no ending
Just constant wave
Of sound, of movement, of rhythm of everything

Your voice

13 Aug, 2021, No comments

Your voice echoes and ripples in me so deeply
like a long-forgotten, warm melody, in which I only recognize a few tones for the time being
like a fairy tale from my childhood, of which I remember only the beginning
like a dream that is here but cannot be put into words
Like a big, big Feeling that doesn't belong to me
For I am only a vessel through which it flows

Lisa Gerrard | Space Weaver

Deep

11 Aug, 2021, No comments

You have entered me so deeply
Like a river permeating into the sea
Fresh waters mixed with salty
In one healthy wild animal

Markéta Irglová | This Right Here

Wolf

6 Aug, 2021, No comments

I think about that Lone Wolf
Who roars and smells like the forest
Who is not afraid to poke with a wet nose
Caress with the tail
And vanish in the thick of the woods
Wolf knows Her

I sat in the forest next to Him, not yet suspecting anything wicked

And later I went along the wolf trail, still not suspecting anything

I didn't need Him, but He came

I didn't know I needed him

Hello Grandmother Fire

5 Aug, 2021, No comments

You’ve seen it all
So I brought you some food
I know you like it
This is my onion body wired with many threads and knots
Ready to be gratefully released
I’ve shed many tears peeling these layers of old stories, beliefs, constructs, patterns
I’ve crawled and squeaked with that little One inside me
This onion served me so well
I learned a lot, I experienced a lot
I really love this Onion
It is so wonderful indeed
But now I want more
I am hungry
I want you to take me as an ingredient
To the most delicious food of the World
Cook me slow

Grandmother

3 Aug, 2021, No comments

I feel like Grandmother who knows something important

I feel older than the Greatest Turtle

Older than Dinosaurs

Older than tectonic plates creating continents

I feel older than the World

I’ve seen a lot

I’ve seen everything

I want to return to Dust...the place I came from… in peace

I’ve planted seeds in a fertile ground... and only my grand grand grand children will eat the fruits

I am happy

I am giving my last breath to the Wind so it can take it over the mountains, over the Seas

To the vast abyss of time and space

To My Mother

28 Jul, 2021, No comments

I was longing for you so deeply and unbearably for so many years
That it left a huge hole of loneliness in my body
As unhealed wound it opened time to time
Until I managed not to feel it.. almost
I always knew it was there
As a dark, terrifying tumour
And I tried different remedies... that helped

I got other wounds and I didn’t have to feel this one
I hid, I escaped, I harmed myself and hurt others
Until one day I had my own children
Until one day I was brave enough to put my finger in that hole
I howled, I crawled, I wept, and I cried
The hole got bigger as if wanting to suck me in
I felt the convulsions as giving birth to pain and let them consume me
I was dying... I wasn’t sure I could take it much longer... and I begged for help

Then the Sea took the swelling away from my face and cooled me down
The Wind gently caressed my naked body
The Sun kissed and warmed up my skin
And my mother said in WhatsApp – everything is all right, don’t you worry, we love you

And then I remembered how wonderful Mother I have
Always caring and supporting unconditionally

Seeing only that hole from an early childhood
I stopped noticing how beautiful and loving she was later…
and now

I wish I was like my mother
With such an open and loving heart

I am so sorry
I love you, mom
I have received so much from you
Thank you

And painful tears began to wash away that Old Story…

Hydrogen Sea | Cold Water